I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
