no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
