hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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