I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
