do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
