Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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