oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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