at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
