mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
