you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
