I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
