nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
