it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
