I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
