eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
