she woke up with a sticky ear
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
