I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
