So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
