Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
