what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
is it fun? or sober?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
