i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that's an acceptable place to lick
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
