...so i touched it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
