I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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