Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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