He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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