I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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