He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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