I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
