I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
