dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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