Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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