Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
