Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
