proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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