I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
