you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
