The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
