I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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