my mouth tastes like poor choices
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
