I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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