My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
