just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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