You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
