Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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