i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
