Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
