im drinking this country out of the recession.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
