when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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