Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
