I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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