You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
