I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
