I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's like heaven, but drunker
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
