I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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