I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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